floydius

There’s no getting around it: dieting down is not fun. Dealing with hunger is bad enough, but it’s worse when you have to give up some of your favorite foods for a time. Chin up, though, because there are a few staples you can keep around that will make the journey far easier.

Whether your macros du jour are low carb, low fat, or something in between, these are my top five picks to keep your sweet tooth ballin’ on a caloric budget.

#5 PB2

In short, this is dehydrated peanut butter.

You keep the delicious taste, you ditch most of the fat and carbs. A 2 tbsp serving of normal peanut butter weighs in at 210 calories, where as 2 tbsp of PB2 is a mere 45. Add some water and you’re in business. This is great because it can be added to all sorts of other recipes (including smoothies). There is also a chocolate version that has the same calorie count and a very similar nutrient profile.

#4 Arctic Zero Ice Cream

If you want to eat a pint of ice cream without paying the price, this is your free pass.

I have satisfied my ice cream craving many a night with this stuff. 150 calories, 16g net carbs, and 13.6g protein… per pint. No, it is not as good as full fat and sugar ice cream, but it is a close second and it will keep you from going to town on a bucket of Blue Bell. There are many flavors, but the Vanilla Maple is the closest to real ice cream in my opinion. If you like it, you should really try their ice cream bars. At 85 cal/bar, they are fantastic treats.

#3 Isopure Dutch Chocolate

As far as protein powders go, this is my favorite for the value/taste/nutrient profile.

When mixed in water, this tastes like chocolate milk, I kid you not. 50g of protein per serving, 1g fat, and 3g carbs — what’s not to love? Often, I’ll add some of the aforementioned PB2 in and make a PB/Chocolate shake, but it’s also very tasty alone. Beware, not all Isopure powders are equal. I tried the mint chocolate version… do not do this. That road is filled with suffering and regret. I read reviews from others who said it tasted terribly and I didn’t listen, thinking that they didn’t like mint chocolate as much as I do. Do yourself a favor: buy some mint extract and throw a few drops in with your Dutch chocolate rather than suffer that abomination. Like PB2, the Dutch Chocolate goes great with many other recipes.

#2 Walden Farms Pancake Syrup

This is pancake syrup that tastes pretty darned close to real pancake syrup, but inexplicably has no calories.

Granted, on a low carb day you will not likely be eating a ton of pancakes, but it does have its applications. The mighty Ogus Cake relies heavily on the stuff. (Ogus is not always family-friendly — be warned). You can pour some on your Arctic Zero ice cream, or even just have a spoonful when you need that sweet fix. I have been known to consume an entire bottle in one day… it is that good. Like Isopure, not all Walden products are the same. This is actually the only one that I have been able to consume on its own, but it is delicious. Some Walden products I’ve tried, like their peanut butter spread, are barely not palatable.

#1 Quest Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bar

I have saved the best for last, and I promise, this is the best!

I’ve been a fan of Quest bars in the past, particularly the Coconut Cashew, Chocolate Brownie, and Peanut Butter supreme, but this is a totally different animal. It tastes almost exactly like chocolate chip cookie dough, but has the nutrient profile of a few ounces of chicken breast with a healthy dose of fiber.

I do not know how they achieved this, and I do not care. I suspect some sort of sorcery and goat sacrifice were involved. These taste better than most actual candy bars, and they totally destroy the nutrient profile of other cookie dough “nutrition bars” out there. Do yourself a favor and grab some. (Right now you will have a hard time finding quest bars anywhere but a GNC as far as brick & mortar, and otherwise you can get them at various sites online.) Don’t blame me when you develop an addiction, because you will. If Quest ever figures out how to make a mint chocolate bar, I’m convinced they will rule the world.

There you have it, friends. Go forth and eat!

Sometime in the last two years, I decided I was tired of being pudgy. Too many Bowflex and P90X commercials at 3am combined with not enough dates will lead you down that road. Of course, they sell you on the big prize: the elusive 6-pack.

Googling “how to get abs” will provide many different routes to that holy grail of fitness, but almost all of them share a single feature: You have to deal with calories, and you have to deal with macronutrients.

Pretty soon, you’ll discover that some restaurants share all of their nutritional information, right down to the last pickle. My favorite in this regard is What-a-Burger… check out their Build-a-Meal site. After you choose the main item, you can customize it by each individual topping!

Many are good about sharing most of their info in PDF form, but might not include toppings or account for options without bread.

Others just don’t share their nutritional information at all. I’m looking at you, Cheesecake Factory! From their FAQ:

Eat first, ask questions never.

Of course, most restaurants fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. One of my favorites, In-n-Out, happens to occupy this caloric grey area. All the items on their menu have basic information available, but if you are up to some crazy customization (I AM!!), then you’re out of luck…

…out of luck until now, that is. I’m going to show you how to use nutrition charts to beat the system and get annoyingly accurate, fellow calorie-counters! To demonstrate, I’ll calculate the calories and macronutrients for the glorious 20×20 burger of old! I tried to down this bad boy in a challenge last August. That did not go well.

So young... so optimistic. Next time, this burger will taste like victory.

If you browse on over to the In-n-Out nutrition site, you can see we have the information for a few different options:

Nom Nom Nom Numbers!

In my experience, it’s best to use a spreadsheet for this kind of thing. (I don’t always use spreadsheets, but when I do, I prefer the free one from OpenOffice.org.)

How can we start? We want to isolate whatever ingredients we can, so let’s begin with the easiest. We know everything for a Hamburger w/ Onion, and a Cheeseburger w/ Onion. The only difference between the two is a slice of cheese, so it stands to reason that if we subtract all the nutritionals for the hamburger from the cheeseburger, we’ll be left with the values for the cheese itself.

The method is simple: You type the information for the Burger into Row 1. You type in information for the Cheeseburger into Row 2. Then use your formulas to calculate the values into a new row. In the example below, type =B3-B2 into B5. Then, type =C3-C2 into C5. Finally, highlight both B5 and C5, and drag the rectangle all the way across to Q5. Bam! You now have all the nutritionals for a slice of cheese at in-n-out.

Yay, spreadsheets.

We can apply this process over and over to single out other ingredients:

• Lettuce is effectively nothing, so Hamburger w/ Onion – Protein Style = Bun
• Double-Double w/ Onion – Cheeseburger w/ Onion – Cheese Slice = Single Meat Patty
• Hamburger w/ Onion – Bun – Single Meat Patty = Onion/Sauce Combo
• and just for fun: Hamburger w/ Onion w/ Mustard and Ketchup instead of Spread – Bun – Single Meat Patty = Onion/Mustard/Ketchup Combo

At this point, we should take note of two things. First, the weight count (total grams) will be off. I suspect this is due to the fact that we’ve relied on the lettuce being effectively nothing, but it is holding enough moisture to outweigh a bun. Second, we cannot logically derive the individual values for Mustard, Ketchup, Onions, nor the Spread from the information given. These are fairly common, however, and everyone knows the Sauce is basically Thousand Island. You can get pretty accurate if you need.

No matter, though, because we now have enough information to calculate the behemoth 20×20!

1 Bun + 1 Sauce/Onion Combo + 20 Meat Patties + 20 Cheese Slices = 1 Massive 20x20

By my calculations, a 20×20 contains an impressive

• 4090 Calories
• 293 Grams of Fat
• 39 Grams of Carbs
• 307 Grams of Protein

Armed with this information, you can now be just about as accurate as you like with nutritionals if the restaurant provides even minimal information. Good luck!

well-done, food counter.