D to the B
I'm sitting here at the Saturn dealership in Little Rock having my car checked out, listening to my man Dave Barnes (see I was movin' forward, I thought I was fine), thinking about the events that have conspired to bring me to Arkansas on a rainy Tuesday morning.
In many ways, it feels like I'm picking up where I left off four and a half years ago. I left Searcy in December of 2003 with no clear idea of where I was headed or what I was doing. If you'd asked me whether I expected to spend 4 years in Pensacola, I'd have laughed. If you'd asked me whether I planned to return to Searcy, I might have laughed harder (He's gonna meet me where the mountain beats me, and carry me through.)
In others, though, it feels like I'm starting a brand new chapter--despite the familiar scenery. When I left, I was still dating the girl I thought I would marry. Now I'm decidedly single. Four years ago my brother wasn't married, and now I'm about to be an uncle! (I always thought that love was frightening, I always thought it'd be so rough.) Before, I had never worked at a "real job," I certainly had never been responsible for the work of other people, and I had no clue about the world of finance. Now I have been a fence builder, a substitute teacher, and a supervisor at a bank call center. For all the failures, disappointments, and surprises the this time has offered, I feel more like a man and less like a boy than I did when I left. I have learned how to keep a more realistic perspective on my emotions, and how to do fulfilling things even when I'm in a holding pattern. I've also learned a lot about how not to do things. I've learned that I love my parents as individuals and not just as caretakers, and I learned that maybe I'm not as smart as I think.
I don't know how long I'll remain in Searcy this time around. I'd wager it won't be much longer than it takes me to finish this program, but I've been wrong before. What I do know is that I'm thankful to the God who has brought me this far and who loves me despite my ignorance and my flaws. (I need you now and forever, just stay right here with me; don't ever leave.) He is truly the great redeemer, physician, and teacher. Praise Him for all this and more!
In the meantime, looks like this repair is going to cost me (this is the sound that's made when a heart breaks.) It's still raining, and I'm still smiling. : )
gotta love wifi at saturn
for shane t.
Hope you enjoy it, buddy.
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Page 123
At the behest of my buddy, Phillip, I'm posting this sequence of sentences from a book. Here are the instructions boldly plagiarized from his blog:
Look on page 123 of a book.
Find the first 5 sentences
Post the next 3 sentences
Tag 5 people
So I've chosen one of my favorites, C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity because I know almost every sentence is worth repeating:
What is it that makes a man with £10,000 a year anxious to get £20,000 a year? It is not the greed for more pleasure. £10,000 will give all the luxuries that any man can really enjoy.
And you'll just have to read the rest of the book (or just ask me) to find out what old C.S. thinks the true reason is.
And now, I tag:
- Leslie
- Sara
- Beu
- Melanie
- Nick
and then other folks on facebook who may or may not have outside blogs. Yeah that's right. I'm tagging more than five. Whatevah whatevah, I do what I want.
Oh and to Phillip, thanks for the tag, and your encouragement. Among my campbellite friends, you and only you understand the terror of IB. May we one day feel the healing.
This sausage could vote. It could go to war and die for its country.
So a couple of months ago I posted about a dire need I was feeling to make some changes. My job was suffocating me, and I was feeling largely useless.
Therefore, last month I took a week off visited a lot of old friends. I spent about 40 hours driving through Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Texas, and Tennessee. I saw some of my closest friends and spent some time walking around, in the daylight. It was nice.
As a part of this, I stopped by Harding. I wasn't sure what to expect. Would I be called back to the enthusiasm I felt back then? Or might I feel the remorse of not being where I thought I'd be by now? Perhaps I would be reminded of poor decisions I made? Thankfully, it was a totally positive experience. I talked to some old professors and some old friends. I felt a renewed sense of purpose and a desire to follow that which led me to study Bible in the first place.
So big decision #1: I've decided to apply for the Master of Ministry program. I've already been in contact with Harding about it and have nearly completed the application. The next step is to find a Church to work with (hopefully full time so I don't have to get a separate job). Classes for the summer start in June, and I intend to move as soon as I can find a job and get the logistics settled. I solicit your prayers as I work toward getting this together. I prayed about the decision before I made it, and I feel good about it.
Big decision #2: This is more in the long range goal department, but my brother and his wife are planning on going to Japan to do mission work starting sometime in 2010. I plan to be finished with the masters program by then, and I'd like to go with them. This is not concrete yet, but they're having some preliminary talks with missionaries who are already there and hoping to get a team together at some point. Anyone want to go to Japan?
Big decision #3: I've decided to go all hippie and eat like a vegetarian for a couple of months. I'd been considering it for some time, but never made the effort until now. So today was my third totally vegetarian day. Mostly this is just an experiment to see if it is actually as healthy as everyone claims. I feel good so far, and I'll keep you posted. I'm not going to go totally vegan, but I will be eating no meat (including eggs and fish) for awhile, and very limited dairy.
As a side note, I always secretly disdained the various veggie subs at quiznos, subway, and the like. I always wondered what the point was. Well, today I had a veggie sub at quiznos, and I feel vindicated. A sub without meat is pointless. Get a salad and some garlic bread from Olive Garden, I say!
Big Decision #4: I'm officially a registered voter. I'm a little slow on the uptake, but I will now be able to add to the confusion of the Florida ballot counting. Honestly, I was just feeling left out.
Finally, I have some fantastic news to announce. I'm going to be an uncle!! Sara is pregnant and I'm very excited. I couldn't be prouder of Leslie and I know he'll make a great father. I'm so thankful that he married a Christian girl who will make a great mother as well. Of course, I've spent the last few weeks plotting ways to spoil my future niece or nephew in the most annoying ways possible. So far I'm thinking a drum set, a pack of kazoos, and a bag of heavily sugar-laden candies. Any suggestions?
1:35
At 1:35 in the morning, I find myself wondering what I'm doing here. At what-a-burger, on a lunch break, in pensacola. You couldn't have convinced me I'd be here four years ago. I thought I'd be in Italy, or a youth minister, or something that would make me feel accomplished. Something that wouldn't involve eating onion rings and typing away to people who are already asleep. Something that wouldn't involve listening to teenagers try and impress each other in the booth across from me. Something that wouldn't involve being needy.
I can see it, at least some of it, through his eyes now. I've been here awhile. A lot more than 4 years This mat is getting old. I can't even piece together the events that led me here anymore, but at the end of the day I blame myself. If someone could rid me of that... but it doesn't really matter. I can't move on my own. If it weren't for my friends, I wouldn't move at all. Today they're taking me to him. He'll be busy, and I don't expect much.
But now I come to it. My friends have destroyed property, cut in line, and ignored manners. So he talks to me. Forgiven, he says? I expected to hear about my faults. I did not expect to see them banished. This would have been enough. But now he tells me to pick up my pad and walk. Of course, I can no more do that than fly. But for him, I have a feeling the wind would even stop blowing if he asked.
And so I walk.
He sent me and my sin packing, just like I thought. But I never could have guessed we'd be going in opposite directions.
Friends and family, I thank you for the love you display. Old and new, young and seasoned, near and far; many of you have defied convention to move me when paralyzed, to love me when a failure, and to put me in a position to talk with Jesus.
I feel I'm coming to a crossroads, and I want to be open for Him to send me packing where He will. Please pray for me and encourage me. Let me know when I can do the same. May the fruit of God's spirit grow in you all,
-Lloyd
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