Posts Tagged ‘dating’

dating well

Friday, December 4th, 2009

I’m interested in knowing from some of my married friends the answer to the following question:

What did you do when you were dating that has made your marriage better as a result? Conversely, you could tell me: what do you wish you had done when you were dating that might have helped make your marriage easier?

I’m wanting to hear from couples that have been married just recently, couples who have been married longer than I’ve been alive, and anyone in between.

Of course, if you’re not married (whether you have been in the past or not), and want to throw in on this conversation, feel free.

sign of the times

Friday, October 3rd, 2008

What exactly are you trying to say, Facebook?

You don’t have to push me there any faster than I’m already going!

an open letter to single girls

Sunday, September 7th, 2008

Last night, I went shopping for clothing at the mall (*barf*) with my roommate in Little Rock. This is no manly exercise, but shopping with another guy guarantees you won’t stay longer than you have to in one store. You will also successfully fend off shopping for at least another year, and leave ample time for stuffing your face afterward.

The mall maintains an inordinate number of clothing stores, and therefore an inordinate number of female shoppers. It would seem that around age 11 or 12, many mall-going girls begin to wear the shortest possible skirts and shorts, the tightest blouses, and the most revealing outfits in general. This trend continues until (and sometimes beyond) the point when the body is no longer flattered by that arrangement. We’ll come back to this topic shortly.

After I left the mall, I came home and checked my e-mail. Whenever I log out, it always brings me to Yahoo’s news page. Last night said page featured a story titled, “How to tell if He’s Cheating.” I thought it would be interesting to see a female perspective on this, so I clicked through. On the following page, I found a series of increasingly disturbing articles regarding manipulation, assumptions that men are only interested in sex, and shared frustration regarding how to tell whether you’re in a relationship with the guy who sleeps with you a few times a week. In my search to find out who was writing this nonsense, I was not shocked to find that the source was my favorite magazine (when I need something to induce vomiting), Cosmopolitan.

I decided to make a list of things I would include if I were describing my dream girl. Ladies (as if any girls actually read this), if you disagree, then that’s fine. You probably wouldn’t be interested in me anyway. : ) So, on with the list:

1) She wouldn’t read Cosmo. Ever. That magazine is a pile of garbage. It is like Maxim (also a pile of garbage), but geared for women. These types of publications attempt to solve problems rooted in the heart by using physical means. They sell sensuality and eschew spirituality. I don’t want them in my home, nor do I want them to feed the heart of my relationships.

2) She would dress in a way that respects herself and me. When a girl dresses provocatively, it seems to me that she wants attention from men and she feels she can get it through her body. Unfortunately, in many cases she will be right.

I won’t lie; a good looking girl who dresses like that can momentarily capture my attention. However, I choose not to harbor interest for those girls, and you can bet I won’t be asking them for their numbers. I don’t want a girl who feels the need to manipulate my interest through lust. A girl who dresses modestly is telling me that she is so confident, she doesn’t need to go with the pack. If you’re a girl, you know it’s tough to find shorts that don’t show off most of your legs, or tops that don’t aim to display cleavage. Making the effort to reject certain fashions in the name of modesty means a lot to me.

Will you miss out on some guys if you dress chastely? Absolutely. However, you will also distinguish yourself for those men who are looking for the diamond in the rough — a girl who respects God, respects men, and respects herself. If you have a nice body, great! Show it off to your husband, not me.

3) She would be willing to help me reach my dating goals. One of my ambitions for future relationships is to avoid kissing until we’re either married, or very close to it. (I’m not sure I want my first kiss with my wife to be in front of a crowd.) My best friend and his wife maintained this standard, and they tell me that it’s one of the best decisions they’ve ever made. They have now been married for over three years and feel like their love life post-marriage is better because they maintained such restrained physical contact while they were dating and engaged.

I confess that I am more experienced physically than I would like. There are some lines I have not crossed, but I haven’t left myself much. In my understanding I’ve definitely not been pure. I’ve made several rebellious decisions because I chose physical pleasure over spiritual obedience. If I had a time machine to go back and change that, I would do it without hesitation. Although I cannot change the past, I have power to make better choices now. I do not wish to return to my own vomit, as it were.

If God grants me a wife, I want her to help me reach my goals for purity. That will mean fighting everything the world says about how people act when they are attracted to one another. She will have to discern my affection in ways not typical of our contemporaries.

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I’m not going to say that if I find a girl with all of these traits, I’m going to marry her. I don’t even know if God desires for me to have a wife. (I really hope so.) These are only signs for which I am keeping my eyes open. I’ve also got to make sure I’m working to be the kind of man my dream girl would be able to love and respect.

Let me be clear here about something. I am flawed in so many ways, as are we all. Nonetheless, there is fantastic news. Jesus of Nazareth was crucified by men, and then resurrected by God three days later. These circumstances allow us to escape the sins of our past and assume a new identity in Him. If you’ve made poor choices in the past, then you are not trapped. This very day you can choose to change the course of your life, even if it’s speeding in the wrong direction. The anointed One invites us to do so daily. Who you were is not who you might be.

Robert Browning described it this way: “Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp. Or what’s a heaven for?” Relationship with Jesus (and with those who serve Him) does not entail perfection, but the unending quest to become more and more like the one we serve. I do not seek a wife who has always been perfect, but rather one who seeks out the God who is able to perfect us all.

we will not be ashamed

Monday, May 12th, 2008

I just watched the most horrible little commercial while waiting for Colbert to get started. It’s an ad campaign put out by our friends at amp energy drink. If you want to see the ad, it’s on their website under the “Ad” section, surprisingly enough. The premise is simple… many post college age young adults are waking up in bed. Their partner is, ostensibly, asleep. The lyrics to the catchy tune inform us that these people do not know one another, nor do they even remember what happened the night before. But, the refrain gives us hope: “We will not be ashamed!” These folks won’t be ashamed to be seen wearing the same clothes as yesterday, because who cares? Random one night stands are just fine. No need to be ashamed!

Seriously? At least the cigarette companies give health warnings. But amp doesn’t even throw out a “hey kids, don’t have random sex! It will harm your psyche and possibly your body as well!” No, the rousing chorus soothes us and gives us the comfort that we can do whatever we want without shame.

I don’t know if any of you have seen the movie, “The Devil’s Advocate” in which Keanu Reeves plays a conscience-laden lawyer pursuing success, and Al Pacino plays the role of Satan. It comes on TV (TBS, or something) on a fairly regular basis, so through half hour chunks here and there, I’ve seen the whole thing. In one of the closing scenes, Satan reveals that his overall plan is to use the United States legal system to abolish the concept of guilt altogether. He argues that the abundance of unworthy acquittals will be so odious to God and His servants that both He and they will be choked out of Heaven’s stronghold.

Ever since I heard that monologue, I’ve been impressed with the genius of the argument. Satan says he will fight God by giving everyone a verdict of innocence. On the one hand, you can take his side and say that God’s commands are burdensome and too judgmental. Satan wins a soul. On the other, you can say that all who sin must pay the penalty in full. Justice must be done! Again, Satan retains a soul. We must recognize that the will of God is that no one should perish… He, too, wants everyone to be pronounced innocent! The difference, of course, is in the method. Satan wants us to reject law altogether. Paul makes it clear that God does not support this method. Rather, He wants us to take on the righteousness of Christ so that He can present us truly blameless.

So back to our commercial, amp energy drink would have us throw off the shackles of shame… and trade them for those of a sinful lifestyle. Never mind that these people can’t even remember what ‘fun’ they had the night before. Never mind that they will regret these decisions when the time comes for them to commit to their true mate. We will not be ashamed, indeed.

May we all reach the point where we will not be ashamed. If we are in Jesus the messiah, there will be no condemnation for us at all.

which one of these doesn’t look like the other?

Wednesday, April 9th, 2008

These are some screenshots I’ve picked up on facebook over the past week or so. I thought this arrangement was interesting.

picture 5picture 4
picture 2picture 1

Good to know facebook and true.com have my best interest at heart.

If you’re up for more poignant sermonizing — consider the lesson above, little Christian. May we all tread boldly, lest the body of Christ be rendered a sheep in wolf’s clothing.